Afternoon Sangha

Today is our first 3:30 sangha in almost three years! I'm excited to get this going again. I always enjoyed the afternoon group; mostly people who, like me, work part-time and can break away for dharma and meditation mid-afternoon.

This week we will talk about "Desire" again, because we can never really talk about it too much! It is the First and Second Noble Truths -- all of us suffer and we suffer because of craving or wanting or attachment. However you say it it is the same thing: desire. Now, desire is not "bad" per se, we can want to live with some level of physical comfort, to learn more and more, to be of greater benefit in life all the time, to give love and compassion, etc., but the attachment to all of this is what causes the suffering. The Buddha said in his Discourse II, "“Let me tell you about the middle path. Dressing in rough and dirty garments, letting your hair grow matted, abstaining from eating any meat or fish, does not cleanse the one who is deluded. Mortifying the flesh through excessive hardship does not lead to a triumph over the senses. All self-inflicted suffering is useless as long as the feeling of self is dominant.

“You should lose your involvement with yourself and then eat and drink naturally, according to the needs of your body. Attachment to your appetites – whether you deprive or indulge them – can lead to slavery, but satisfying the needs of daily life is not wrong. Indeed, to keep a body in good health is a duty, for otherwise the mind will not stay strong and clear.”

Lama Yeshe taught that the Buddha compared desire to being in debt, "If you owe money to the bank for your house, every month you have to pay. In the end, you will own the house. With sensual desires however, you cannot pay off the debt; they arise again and again. Hunger, thirst, lust for sex, warmth, coolness, they all come back again and again. Trying to fulfill our desires is like carrying water to the sea; a never ending task and ultimately completely useless."

These both tell me about my own need have certain things, but also to be a certain way, have people think of me in certain ways. These attachments are just as problematic as the attachment to sensual desires -- maybe even more so -- because they prevent me from living my life authentically. My ego, my identity, is so invested in doing what I think you will respect (also called impressing you), that I can't be genuine. What would that look like, to be genuine in my life? Living each moment as it comes about from my open heart. Letting go each moment and living out of real appreciation, love and compassion. But also, and most frightening, letting you see me as I really am "warts and all" as they say. Letting you see that I am not "there" yet, but am human and learning to live the dharma.