Tonglen -- Sending and Taking

As we get further into the loJong Slogans it's time to begin talking about the meditation practice of Tonglen, a Tibetan word that translates as sending and taking. There are two slogans that refer to tonglen, #7 "Sending and taking should be practiced alternately. These two should ride the breath," and #10 "Begin the sequence of sending and taking with yourself. "

So the 7th slogan is a basic description of tonglen and the 10th is how to begin this undertaking. When we first hear about tonglen there is this feeling of bewilderment. Saying to ourselves, "you've got it backwards, right? You don't really expect me to take in all that stuff from someone else, right? Contaminate myself? No. That's not what we do!" I've had people completely shut down, angry, over the very thought of this practice and refuse to be a part of it. It can be pretty scary, because instead of breathing out anything that is difficult or scary or hurtful, we breath it in. We don't resist or repress or ignore it, we surrender to it. We are completely honest with ourselves and acknowledge just how awful it feels; we actually connect with the feelings. We start with ourselves because this is a real and personal experience, not something we pretend and in connecting with our difficult feelings in a real way, we connect with all other beings. For instance, the feeling of being lost and abandoned is pretty universal, people everywhere feel this way. As we acknowledge that feeling within ourselves we can open our hearts with the simple thought that there are millions of people at this very moment who feel exactly the same way. So we breathe in and feel this lost feeling for everyone, making the wish that we could all be free from this suffering. We don't talk to ourselve about why we feel this way, we just feel the feelings. The story about it is not what's important, the feeling is what connects us. Then, we breathe out. With the outbreath we send relief from this pain and the wish that we will all be happy.

In her book Start Where You Are, Pema Chodron says, "What you do for yourself - any gesture of kindness, any gesture of gentleness, any gesture of honesty and clear seeing toward yourself - will affect how you experience your world. In fact, it will transform how you experience the world. What you do for yourself, you're doing for others, and what you do for others, you're doing for yourself. When you exchange self for others in the practice of tonglen, it becomes increasingly uncertain what is out there and what is in here.

"Start where you are. This is very important. Tonglen practice (and all meditation practice) is not about later, when you get it all together and you're this person you really respect. You may be the most violent person in the world - that's a fine place to start. That's a very rich place to start - juicy, smelly. You might be the most depressed person in the world, the most addicted person in the world, the most jealous person in the world. You might think that there are no others on the planet who hate themselves as much as you do. All of that is a good place to start. Just where you are - that's the place to start."